Sunday, March 19, 2006

Be A Pepper

Remember this jingle?

I drink Dr. Pepper and I’m proud
I’m part of an original crowd...
Be a Pepper, drink Dr. Pepper.

Is this all it takes to be an original?

I think not.

There is a funny scene in the Monty Python movie, “The Life of Brian” when Brian, who lives in the time of Jesus, gets mistaken as the Messiah by a large group of followers. Brian tries to tell his new disciples that they’re mistaken and that he would like them to leave him alone.

Followers: A blessing! A blessing! A blessing!

Brian: Look. You got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody! You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals!

Followers: Yes, we’re all individuals!

Brian: You’re all different!

Followers: Yes, we are all different!

One follower in back: I’m not!

A lot of the passengers that ride my trains think that they’re originals too.

At least once a week, I’ll get some guy who’ll pretend to be asleep when I come to collect his fare. After I “wake” him, he’ll smirk and hand me his ticket. These passengers truly believe that they’re the first person that has ever thought of playing this game. I used to be patient with these people, saying something like… “Oh! You got me that time” or “That was a good one!” but after 20 years of these lame games my patience has worn thin. Now I’ll burst their bubble by saying something like…“If I had a nickel for every time somebody pulled that, I’d be a rich man.”

Boyfriends and husbands love to play the lost ticket game. The foreplay begins when the man acts as if he has misplaced his girlfriend/wife’s ticket. He gives me a sly wink as he quickly starts patting down his shirt. Just as the women starts to go into panic mode, he’ll pull the ticket out of his pocket and says something like…Gotcha! The woman then usually slaps the man on the thigh and screams…“Oh Bill!”(John, Dick, Harry etc.)

The frequency with which I've seen the above scenario played out makes it unoriginal. However, the whole teasing spouse thing is one of the strangest mating rituals I’ve ever seen. Perhaps I should contact an anthropologist at National Geographic or Wild Kingdom for further study.

I started thinking about originality at the convenience store last week. I purchased a cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie. While I was waiting in the checkout line the cookie spoke to me.

Cookie: Bobby, I’m chewy and hot from the oven. Eat me.

Me: Cookie, I can’t eat you. I haven’t paid for you yet.

Cookie: Oh come on… just one little nibble.

Me: Oh, if you insist!


When I got to the checkout counter, I showed the cookie to the cashier and asked if I could get it for half price.

"If I had a nickel for every time somebody pulled that," he said "I’d be a rich man."

I guess I’ll never be a Pepper.


MotherOf3Guys said...

The same thing can be said when dealing with patients...My favorite is always someone who is asking for more narcotics (and has already taken enough to sedate an elephant) says, "I don't like taking drugs ." I guess we humans are all unique but really still the same. I do love some Dr. Pepper though, even if I'm not original either!

Anonymous said...

I could read your stories all day.
Don't forget that I want to be your assistant/agent.

I'm a pepper, you're a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?