Sunday, September 28, 2008

A seedy week in review 9/21-9/28

09/21-Conductor's Lounge, Grand Central:

A group of us were sitting around a table in the conductor's lounge, drinking coffee and decompressing by telling war stories from the previous week. Somehow the conversation turned to women (as it always does) and how many sexy ladies have been riding the trains lately. That's when one of the conductors said that he'd recently been caught staring at a woman's cleavage.
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"How long were you staring?"
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"Too long."
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"How long is too long?"
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"My wife says that I can stare for three seconds... five seconds if I don't have my glasses on. Any longer than that ...I'm a pervert."
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Another conductor said he recently was standing over a buxom woman while she rummaged though her purse, looking for her ticket. He said she had a low cut blouse on and he couldn't help but stare down at her cleavage. The woman looked up, caught him leering, and said..."Honey, you're not gonna find the ticket down there."
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09/27/08, Train 6500
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A drunken middle aged businessman boarded the train with a "Leg Show" porno magazine under his arm. He staggered down the aisle, stopping occasionally to show the centerfold to anyone who would look in his direction. Finally, he spied a cute college girl and he sat down next to her. He began flirting with her and started flipping through his magazine, showing her the pictures. I could see she was disgusted, and after several minutes, she screamed:
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"I'm a lesbian...Leave me alone."
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"That's okay," he said, "I'm a lesbian too."
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He then went into graphic detail, saying what he and lesbians have in common. That's when I stepped in, saying that the lady obviously didn't want to be bothered and that he should move his seat. He reluctantly agreed and walked back to the rear of the car, where he found a whole new group of people to pester.
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09/28 Train 6537
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A Stepford wife was sitting in a four seater with an aluminum foil covered sheet cake lying on the seat across from her. The train was crowded, but there were still some seats available. I didn't say anything at first, but by Westport the train was packed and we had several passengers who were standing. I walked by the woman and saw that her cake was still on the seat; "Mam," I said,"please take the cake off the seat. We're very crowded," I then pointed to the five people who were standing in a nearby vestibule.

I moved on and continued to collect tickets, but when I returned (some five minutes later) I found seven people standing, and the woman's cake still on the seat.
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"Mam, please remove your cake, others would like to sit here."
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"No," she said as if annoyed, "I asked if anyone wanted to sit here and they said no."
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"We still have five station stops to go," I said. I'm sure someone will want to sit here."
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She still refused to move the cake.
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"Listen," I said, "Either you take the cake off the seat, or I'll have you and the cake removed from the train."
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It was starting to drizzle out, and I envisioned her standing on the platform, cake in hand, while the song MacArthur Park played in the background:
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Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think that I can take it


'cause it


took so long to bake it


And I'll never have that recipe again


Oh,no!
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She finally picked up the cake and placed it in her lap.
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"This is unbelievable," she huffed.
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"You're unbelievably rude," I countered.
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At Stamford, a young lady boarded the train and sat where the cake had been. She seemed happy to find a seat and I was happy that she found one. There's nothing worse than fighting with a customer about opening up a seat and then nobody sits there.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

you should have smashed the cake in her face!!!!!!!!!

Jeff said...

That's fairly similar to the feeling i get when someone picks up an item in the grocery store to look at the nutritional value, and then decides against buying it, and placing it somewhere other than where they picked it up.

Very frustrating.

Neva said...

It never ceases to amaze me at how rude and inconsiderate some people can be.....

Anonymous said...

Just like the Seinfeld episode says - 'It's like the sun, you take a peek and look away!'
.. kinda like a polaroid for your mind. Your dirty, perverted mind. :)

Adron said...

On the Portland Streetcar, I once had a similar problem. The streetcar wasn't that packed, but there was an empty seat and a transient (bum/slacker) had his huge backpack in the seat. I asked him to move it so I could sit and he about had a fit.

I then stated, "Move it or I will."

He told me to go ahead. So at the next stop I picked it up and put it outside on the stop, got back on, and he managed to drag it back on board.

He got verbally frustrated at me and threatened to hit me, to which I replied, you might want to put your hands behind your back so the officer can cuff you without resistance.

He turned in shock and hit his head so hard he knocked himself out right in front of the officer. Funny thing is, the officer was going home, he wasn't on duty.

We both however helped get the guy off the streetcar were he regained his where abouts. He refused assistance and carried on in a very rude manner. The officer and I had a laugh, and he was glad to head off toward home.

I meanwhile headed off to the rest of the errands of the day...

jamie said...

Love the comment on the cleavage but having been in that situation many times, I would like to say: "you should have put your ticket there and you would save us both time looking for it"

Anonymous said...

I remember last year I boarded the 3:20 (I think its the 2:33 from NY) at Stamford. Everone, from what I had seen, had boarded, but the doors were still open, so I was thinking maybe their boarding a handicap person. Like 10 seconds later i heard the phrase no commuter likes to hear, "attention, we will be momentairly delayed while we wait for the police to arrive." To make a long story short since I was standing in the vestuble right next to where this guy was sitting as the conductor was making her rounds, this guy has feet on the seats which is a big no/no. So she asks him to take his feet off, and he said no. So the conductor asked again and he said no again. So, now its the third time, and the conductor tells him if he doesn't take his feet off she's going to have to throw him off the train, so the guy told her to call the police because he wasn't going to take his feet off.

Why can't you show some respect? Not to mention it was so frusturating for me because I just wanted to get home and there was nothing I could do.

Peter D. said...

So many people put their feet on these facing seats, with and without shoes and socks. Who would want to place a food item on there? It's so gross.

I always feel like saying, 'hey, this isn't your living room couch, show some respect.' But I'd probably get sued or into a fist fight, so why bother

Paul aka Conductor # 1!!! said...

Welcome to Metro-North!!!!!!!!