Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Bob McDonough is 46 and on the Spare Board

This morning-4:06AM

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Me: Um...Uh...Hello!

RR Crew Dispatcher: Mornin' Bob! Today you'll be working job C-312, report time is 6:18

Me: Um...Oh...Okay...Job C-318- report at 6:12

Crew Dispatcher: No. No, that was C-312 at 6:18

Me: Right, right... Okay, job C-318-6:12 report. Got it! Thanks!

CLUNK! CLANG! CLUNK!

Wife (lying next to me): What exactly are you doing over there?

Me: I'm trying to put the phone back in the charger.

CLUNK! CLANG! CLUNKITY-CLUNK!

Wife (now laughing hysterically): What seems to be the problem?

Me: Oh, here we go. CLICK! The charger was upside down.

Wife: UGH!!!

Me: Hey! Be nice to me... It's my birthday.

It's true. Today I turn 46, and because I'm middle aged, I had to immediately get out of bed and pee. I got out of bed into the pitch darkness and stepped right on my work boots. This twisted my ankle and sent me hurtling over a pile of pillows. This in turn, sent me crashing into the ironing board. I somehow felt my way around the ironing board only to smack right into the master bathroom door. After finishing my business in the bathroom, I retraced my steps, and again, walked into the ironing board, tripped over the pillows and stepped on my work boots.

When I got back into bed, I felt the mattress bouncing up and down. My wife was absolutely shaking with laughter.

Wife: What was that?
Me: What was what?

Wife: You know...that little ballet you did to the bathroom and back.

Me: It's dark.

Wife: And the thing before that...with the phone?

Me: What can I say. I'm not a morning person.

Wife: I'm sorry, but you had to see yourself. You looked like you were trying to put a square peg in a round hole..and, no matter what, you were bound and determined that it was going to fit!

Me: Oh, just go back to sleep.

I had almost fallen back to sleep, when I realized I had forgotten to set my alarm clock. When I reached over, I found that my wife had left a flash light on my night stand (sure, NOW I find it). I set the clock for 5:10 a.m. and flipped the switch to what I thought was the "alarm" setting:

GONNA CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY...
GONNA CATCH ME RIDIN'...
GONNA CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY...
(now BLASTING throughout the room)

I fumbled for the clock, and searched for the "snooze" button. My wife was now laughing so hard that she almost fell out of bed. I reached for a pen to write my job number down, but I couldn't remember...was it job C312 at 6:18 or C318 at 6:12 ? (I didn't dare mention this to my wife.)
At 5:10 a.m. my alarm clock rang. I woke up and started my day....
Older, but obviously not wiser.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Bobby. I made a real fool out of myself today when I thought I called your number and sang the entire "Happy Birthday" song, only to realize I was singing to a perfect stranger, and he let me sing the entire song before telling me it wasn't you!!! Is it an age thing, or a family thing??! I'm not so sure!!!!! Anyway, Happy 46th Birthday. You're still my little brother. Love, Maureen

Tony Alva said...

Happy 46th my man. Women: can't live with, pass the beer nuts...

Jill said...

It took me three tries to get through this story...I was laughing so hard, I couldn't see through the tears!

And, just so all you readers know how my dear husband thinks, his last words to me before we both FINALLY fell back to sleep were: "At least I have some new material for my blog today!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY...
I LOVE YOU!!!

celtic chick said...

Oh, Daddy, this is just so you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Love your favorite daughter,
"A"

Cara Maria McDonough said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Baby McD said...

I am pretty sure the song went:

"Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]
Boots with the fur [With the fur]
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low"

because I remember hearing it when I woke up thinking it was my alarm clock. But, when I looked at the clock it was only 4 a.m. (or it might have been that I listened to that song a ton of times at "g"'s birthday party...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDAaevTq51I

Baby McD said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!= each year you have been living

Bobby said...

Baby McD,

I think you're right. I knew it was a rap song but I wasn't sure which one. Thanks for clearing that up. Sorry for waking you up.

Anonymous said...

Very funny. I know you can't make that up because anyone who works the list has those moments on a regular basis.

Happy Birthday and my oldest son Jamie, shares this special day with you.

May "the force be with you"

Jamie

Anonymous said...

A belated Happy Birthday! Do they still make Geritol? You sound like you could use some.
From one non morning person to another, a night light might help.

Anonymous said...

HAPPY B DAY BLONDE!
j.k.

Anonymous said...

happy birthday bobby.

Anonymous said...

I have an idea...GET OFF THE SPARE BOARD!

kinga said...

dear bm i turn 50 in a couple of months so i really have an issue with feeling sorry for you.i work with you and have had the pleasure of your company so many times, and there was never an occasion where i could take the focus off the job to jabber with the tabloid set. what the heck? i need to work with you just to make this year monumental.so...work stamford just once this year so i can see madonna?

Bob said...

Happy Birthday Bob