Tickets! Tickets Please! I shout, as I walk down the aisle collecting tickets on an early morning Metro North train. A gentleman with white hair and wild eyebrows touches me on the sleeve. “Conductor," he whines, “some genius just got off the train and left that huge duffle bag behind.”(This is New York pre 9-11, before errant bags and terrorism are a big concern.) He points to a giant black duffle bag the size of a Volkswagen that sits in the overhead luggage rack. Suddenly, I realize that I am talking with 60 Minutes' personality Andy Rooney. He looks smaller, older and feebler in person.
“Did you ever wonder?” he asks, as if doing an exaggerated impersonation of himself, “how anybody could leave something that big behind?”
No, I think, I misplace my keys, glasses, and cell phone on a daily basis, but I want to bond with an American icon, so I say, “ I can’t imagine how anybody could leave something like that behind.”
We chuckle, pat each other on the back, and congratulate ourselves for being of such superior intellect.