I was collecting tickets on the train one afternoon when I came upon an old Irish gentleman. He perked up when he saw my company ID.
Old Irishman: Cheers Mr. Mac Donough!
Me: Cheers! I can tell by your brogue that you're from Ireland.
Old Irishman: Aye! Sure I am.
Me: Do you live here now?
Old Irishman: No laddie, I'm visiting me relations.
Me: I've never been to Ireland, but I'd love to go someday.
Old Irishman: Oh, laddie you must. In fact I'll meet you in the pub and we'll have a few pints.
Me: That sounds great... but I don't drink.
Old Irishman: (Now stern) WELL THEN...YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN IRELAND!