Friday, February 24, 2006

Separated At Birth

I carry thousands of people on my trains every week. One of the things I hear most is, "do you know who you look like?" Above I have displayed some of the people I hear most often that I look like.

Top row:

That's me on the left, taking a limo ride back to the hotel after Justin and Cara's wedding.

In the middle is my brother Brian. He and I work together on the railroad. Several of our co-workers have a tough time telling us apart. Brian is an engineer, meaning he runs (drives) the train--I am a conductor (collect tickets, make announcements, open and close doors). I have to wear a uniform, Brian doesn't. You would think that fact alone would tip people off.

On the right is former NY Yankees/Mets pitcher Mike Stanton. Our trains carry a lot of baseball fans down to the games. After a few beers there is always some drunk who yells out, "Hey, Stanton give me your autograph!"

Bottom row:

Next, on the left, is the conductor from The Polar Express movie. Many a child sees me in uniform and asks if I'm the conductor in the movie. "Of course", I tell them. My wife works as a teacher's aide in a kindergarten class. Last year I dressed in full uniform and read The Polar Express to her class. I even went as far as growing a moustache for the role and giving each of them a silver bell. I must be a method actor.

In the middle is Connecticut Congressman Christopher Shays. He has been a passenger on my train several times. I told him that a lot of people say I look like him. He said, "I agree, but I'm sure you have more hair than me." I doffed my conductor's cap and, unfortunately, I proved him wrong.

Once upon a time, when I was a young conductor, lovely young ladies used to flirt with me on my train. Now that I have settled into middle age, lovely young ladies tell me I look like Vice President Dick Cheney. (On the far right...of course.) Unfortunately they're not the only ones. I went on a cruise last April. On formal night I went to dinner in my gray pinstriped suit. My buddy Art laughed when he saw me. For the rest of the night he referred to me as "Mr. Vice President". On the bright side, I know what I will be for Halloween this year--I'll dress in hunting gear and bring along a shotgun.


Anonymous said...

Well, let's see, a LONG time ago (when you used to have hair--and a LOT of it!--in the brownish range) you used to get compared to Robin Williams. And, of course, you and your brother have always looked alike...BUT, all that considered, I must say, especially after looking at the pictures on your Blog, I cast my vote for your striking resemblance to Congressman Christopher Shays. (FYI: Please note I have never met him in person--I am just going by the pictures posted!)

P.S. Just is case, I'll also make sure I announce my presence around you at next year's Halloween Party!

"Beautiful wife" said...

Your visit to my class as Mr. Conductor is STILL the talk of the school. Adults were reduced to 4 and 5 year olds--totally in awe of your uniform...AS WAS I!

Every brass button on your crisply pressed uniform shined to perfection, your POCKET WATCH(?) dangled strategically from your jacket pocket, reflecting in your HIGHLY POLISHED(?) black shoes! "Who is this man!" I thought, as I stared at the red railroad LANTERN in your hand? WHAT?!? "This cannot possibly be the man who runs out of the house each day, shirt hanging out of the back of his pants, tie hanging disheveled over his shoulder, yelling: 'Have you seen my glasses?' 'Are my keys on the counter?' 'Where's my cell phone? Can I take your battery...mine's dead?' (only to run back in two minutes later and ask 'Is my watch on the desk by the computer?' "

I WAS IN SUCH AWE, even I started to BELIEVE!

The best part was when one of the little boys in my kindergarten class asked you a question--as if you REALLY WERE Mr. Conductor--and you you went right along with him, answering in first person. I even started to wonder if you had totally lost it and begun to believe it yourself! You were so into character!

To this day, he still believes you really were him--and that I'm married to Mr. Conductor!

I only wish you had Tom Hanks' money!!!

milk dud said...

Bill Murray can be added to that list too!
Milk Dud

Justin said...

yeah I see the Bill Murray resemblance in my dad too

celtic chick said...

If you're going to dress up like the Vice President, try to be like Teddy Roosevelt and not shoot any bears (or Trick-or-Treaters!)

Kit said...

I think all five of my brothers have beautiful faces and smiles.
I also think VP Dick Cheney is very handsome.

I also think that Brian should wear a uniform. At least navy pants and a white shirt.