Friday, February 24, 2006
Separated At Birth
I carry thousands of people on my trains every week. One of the things I hear most is, "do you know who you look like?" Above I have displayed some of the people I hear most often that I look like.
That's me on the left, taking a limo ride back to the hotel after Justin and Cara's wedding.
In the middle is my brother Brian. He and I work together on the railroad. Several of our co-workers have a tough time telling us apart. Brian is an engineer, meaning he runs (drives) the train--I am a conductor (collect tickets, make announcements, open and close doors). I have to wear a uniform, Brian doesn't. You would think that fact alone would tip people off.
On the right is former NY Yankees/Mets pitcher Mike Stanton. Our trains carry a lot of baseball fans down to the games. After a few beers there is always some drunk who yells out, "Hey, Stanton give me your autograph!"
Next, on the left, is the conductor from The Polar Express movie. Many a child sees me in uniform and asks if I'm the conductor in the movie. "Of course", I tell them. My wife works as a teacher's aide in a kindergarten class. Last year I dressed in full uniform and read The Polar Express to her class. I even went as far as growing a moustache for the role and giving each of them a silver bell. I must be a method actor.
In the middle is Connecticut Congressman Christopher Shays. He has been a passenger on my train several times. I told him that a lot of people say I look like him. He said, "I agree, but I'm sure you have more hair than me." I doffed my conductor's cap and, unfortunately, I proved him wrong.
Once upon a time, when I was a young conductor, lovely young ladies used to flirt with me on my train. Now that I have settled into middle age, lovely young ladies tell me I look like Vice President Dick Cheney. (On the far right...of course.) Unfortunately they're not the only ones. I went on a cruise last April. On formal night I went to dinner in my gray pinstriped suit. My buddy Art laughed when he saw me. For the rest of the night he referred to me as "Mr. Vice President". On the bright side, I know what I will be for Halloween this year--I'll dress in hunting gear and bring along a shotgun.